LCFL #015// What I'm Thankful For

All had huge helpings of revisionist history.

To a line cook the holidays are brutal. Not just the "when every one's off is when we're busy"-thing, but everyone else is insane this time of year too. I love that my restaurant is jamming and my cooks are getting the hours they have wanted all year. I am thankful for the added revenue. There is no break though. Just a relentless stream of customers and oh so little time to prep for them. All these guests who themselves are all anxious because of the insane day they've had in the consumer hell of strip malls and department stores. Instances of unhappy customers increase because of this. People become harder to make happy with the same level of food and service - or is it because, all of a sudden, my staff and I have forgotten what a mid-rare steak looks like? More likely, it is because you stood in line for Santa's picture with your crying, snot-nosed nephews that you don't even like? Be honest.

My Holiday Spirit

When the people walk in the door upset, stressed and angry it is very hard to change that.
People seem to want to feed their own irritation this time of year, not just their bellies.
Lets examine the phenomenon that is 'The Holidays.' Primarily, Thanksgiving, Christmas, Hanukkah, Saturnalia, Dvali, New Years and Festivus (thank you, Jerry Stiller, I'm thankful for you). I'm sure there are several others, the solstices are huge for celebrations regardless of the faith involved. As many holidays as there are people to celebrate them. All sorts of shit goes down this time of year, especially in the US where there is more diversity, the theoretical melting pot. Here we have a 'War on Christmas' evidently, that includes all the other non-christian holidays simply asking for a little respect and recognition and Christians getting touchy about it. I don't go in for much of that religious garbage however, so personally, Christmas is the absolute worst mash-up of hoodoo mumbo jumbo and capatalistic stroke fest. And New Year's Eve is the most insane day of the restaurant calander and the week leading up to it is full of panic, stress and pressure that it is completely impossible to enjoy any of it. New Year's Eve is such a wild night that every year I get sick immediatly afterwards simply due to anxiety release.

Our  Epic Saturnalia Roast 

There is one of these days that, for me as a line cook, stands out.

A day that involves no invisible men in the sky or shopping for unnecessary trash for people you don't like.
A day that focuses on feasting, food and family.
A day to stop and take account for those who help and those who create.
A day where its fine to have one too many and pass out on your mother in-law's couch, zero judgement.
A day out of the year you can be certain no one is coming into your restaurant.
A day where the family looks towards you for guidance and advice as opposed to the rest of the year where they look down upon you from their high rise office jobs and cubicles and wonder why you smell like french fries. The one day your skill set makes you more valuable than your brother who has a wife and a degree, despite your addiction issues.
A day whose sheer meaning is to eat far too much.
A day I am thankful for.
I'm talking Thanksgiving.
Holy shit, is there a better day on the restaurant calender?
Its also the only day people want turkey, evidently. I've been cooking professionally for twenty years and outside of deli meat, nobody wants turkey. Not once have I ever served roasted turkey breast, starch and veg with gravy. I can't remember seeing sous-vide turkey in Keller's books. When was the last time turkey was served at Le Bernardine? Its a special once a year kind of thing.

Cockentrice. Yummers.

Whose kidding though? Everyone's mom's turkey is dry and overcooked. Don't pull it out of the oven when it is 165, for chrissakes! Pull it at 150 and let is rest for twenty. Carve it into your basic eight piece bird breakdown, then flash it all in the oven right before slicing it.
Everything is dry at 165.
Sorry, you know I love your mom.
The guys over at EpicMealtime.com have shown us all nutty ways of upping the turkey game. Or the trending idea of the cocketrice from medieval Europe. Someone go get me a needle and thread - thanksgiving is tomorrow!

The Kane-Meinhold
Thanksgiving Bird

Anyway, its the fucking sides that make the feast awesome - am I right??? Cranberry jelly, mash of all varieties, asparagus, butternut squash, beans, greens, sweet potato pie (fuck off with the marshmallows, gran!), rolls, croissants and gravy, gravy, gravy. Gravy on everything!
The one time of year when everyone wants to be a better cook and multitask like a pro. However, we professionals are generally watching everyone try to do this and being instruted not to help because, "You cook everyday. Relax. Have a beer, watch some football."
Trust me - and I think I can speak for most line cooks around this country when I say this - we want to help you because we want good food to eat for ourselves. We want to help you so you can avoid stitches on Thanksgiving because, jesus! Look at the way you hold a knife. We want to help most of all because we are not good for much else. Plus we want good food. A few years back I was sat to a Weight Watchers Thanksgiving - no butter, no oil. I flipped out, made a scene, and brown-bagged bologne sandwiches to Christmas dinner hosted by the same people. It took a while for me to get into good graces with those cats. You know how I did it? That's right! I did both meals the next year. 
Boom.
Besides, I drink beer everyday. I will drink while I cook. After too. And while eating dinner.Come to think of it, I drink better than you do as well. Add it to the list.
I am thankful for you needing me to cook you dinner.
James Pawl Kane